When the Shadows Talk

This message speaks to the heart of my own experience, and I believe to the roots of our current worldly complexities. Although I've had a skewed interpretation for most of my life. I never really believed myself strong enough to stand alone or even know myself consciously enough to stand apart. None of that ever seemed appropriate to contemplate considering societal requirements to simply get through the daily challenges of our times.

After developing irreversible health issues, losing my partner and child, overwhelming isolation, feeling unbelievably out of place though making it in the world, and a few near death experiences later, I finally began delving deeper into examining things further. The pressures upon us and how far we can get without truly knowing ourselves or having awareness for much of anything is truly astounding.

I believe we're all capable to stand alone, and that it's much more necessary than might seem on the surface or expect to appear while living in a society as well. Also seems each of us is unwittingly crafted to the perfection necessary to handle the challenges along our shared path. There is inherent value in each of our unique experiences and expressions of truth. I'm discovering just how personal acknowledgement of worth and authenticity is expressed standing on our own and apart, and through that standing together is only then truly possible.

For a while now I've been struggling to express this sentiment and the deep necessity for personal healing to transcend our current collective situation. Leaving behind the stability of corporate life has been a terrifying and deliberate choice for personal well-being and authentic expression to combat our culture of overwhelming emotional neglect. I've internalized the abandonment from caregivers such that their fears and disbelief have become my own. It seems we've all been normalized to neglect ourselves and the value of our personal passions as though necessary to survive. Rediscovering purpose and the value of ourselves later in life is not impossible, though much harder to realize without the structures of support built gradually over a lifetime.

I'm beginning to realize more clearly how I've always been persuaded away from pursuing and developing natural talents that bring a personally joyful and meaningful life. Being discouraged from smashing piano keys or expressive use of paints as a young child severely wounded my soul's attempt at developing skills of emotional understanding and mediums of expression. Unable to pursue playing drums as the only seriously consistent interest I remember from childhood while being distracted with so many other youthful activities supported the ideals of conformity and wounded belief in the possibility of my own interests. Having my appreciation of diverse human stories ridiculed as irrational has undermined the value of connectivity, empathy, and very meaning of living.

Rediscovering belief in myself and this long forgotten path later in life, while my own family continues their tendencies of disbelief and emotional neglect has been the most challenging effort to overcome. The concept of a "starving artist" is the societal normalization of an artist's contribution devalued, and the perpetuation of this belief is harmful beyond measure. How can I believe my own contribution is valuable or success possible when those naturally expected to be loving and supportive don't even believe? Being shunned by my own family as they see me struggling from their ivory towers has been the most painful and detrimental experience to acknowledge in my life. Honestly though, even when intentions were more parental and loving it's always been this way. Incredible how the demons of our ancestors become our own battles to fight. However, I will not let this go any further for myself, and hopefully that encourages others to make the most of their own lives as well. This now appears to me the true strength and essence of standing together in this message. None of us is truly apart from the normalization's of our culture, and we each share some responsibility to transform ethics that do not serve our future.

Please follow your own bliss, meaningfully support those who are, and always encourage what brings your children joy. It may not seem relevant to their future success from your perspective, but I can guarantee the skills nurtured for recognizing and developing personal passions will do everyone good. Even though a child's creative impulse may be just noise, their playful pursuit encouraged will become an inspired symphony.